Have you ever been told that you can "get rid of what no longer serves you"? That tagline sells a lot of books and fills up workshops, but does it work?
I've worked with thousands of people who have been trying to heal or "get rid of" everything from the more tangible (for example, fibromyalgia, digestive issues, financial debt) to the emotional (depression, relationships) to the esoteric (energetic imbalances, right livelihood). They’ve been trying to move forward by releasing blocks, and they’ve been taught to believe they can “get rid of” a recent or life-long habit in a weekend seminar or in any number of sessions with a practitioner. While their teachers and practitioners likely had the best of intentions, they were still feeling stuck and searching for answers. Can you relate to that?
What they and you have been doing isn’t inherently bad or wrong, but if you're been unable to rid yourself of something permanently after seemingly trying everything, an expansion is awareness may be needed. And sometimes just the smallest tweak can really catalyze true healing and transformation.
The answers, like life, are multilayered. This blog will focus on just one for now: the reality that ultimately, you can't “get rid” of anything.
I know, I know, you’ve been told you can. And how long have you been trying? Exactly.
Blockages, pain, illness, relationship residue, and feeling stuck aren’t like last week’s garbage. They can’t be left at the curb and hauled away. What we resist persists, and what we focus on expands. So trying to get rid of anything is adding more energy to exactly what it is that you don’t want.
Even worse, trying to get rid of something is to deny your wholeness. We are the all. All is within us. You can’t get rid of anything because you are everything. You can, however, choose to integrate those things you’ve been trying to rid yourself of so that they no longer control your thoughts, words, and actions.
[The only time where “getting rid of” energies makes sense is when dealing with empathic illness. We are all connected and some of us are “walking sponges” for other people’s emotional challenges. If it’s not yours, it should be returned to its original owner. If that sounds insane to you, please skip to the next paragraph. For empaths, sensitives, and intuitives, the concept of “absorbed” energy—AKA empathic illness—is very real. My blog, The Five Steps to Healing the Highly Sensitive Person is a great introduction to the concepts in my book, Self-Care for the Self-Aware that have helped thousands of people where all other modalities have failed. Its 5-Step process helps you prevent, identify, and return empathic illness. This process has had over a 90% success rate.]
If, however, what you’re dealing with is yours (not empathic illness), you’d be much better off processing it well with the guidance of a skilled practitioner than trying to get rid of it—AKA it’s best to integrate it. This is done by accepting the natural flow of life and its many ups and downs, and by better understanding perfectionism.
Experf vs. Expert
I’d rather be an "experf" than an expert. An "experf " is my abbreviation for ex-perfectionist. Perfectionism is an invitation to disappointment. It’s living for the oft-promised place where nothing goes wrong, and all feelings are joyous. That’s not real life. This egregious promise sells lots of books and fills many workshops, and the Law of Attraction has capitalized on people’s desired states of joy by convincing us to solely focus on the positive. This is not only unwise it can be dangerous. It’s a denial of what already exists and what we actually are—multifaceted beings capable of expressing the lowest lows and the highest highs. Called “spiritual bypassing” by some, ignoring what’s actually true has groomed people to live in their heads (or the ethers) and forget about their bodies. This leads to what I see as highly avoidable acute and chronic pain and illness, or financial or relationship issues.
Being an experf allows deeper integration of all aspects of self, beginning with complete acknowledgment of what’s true in the moment as well as what’s been true in every moment up to this one. It’s letting go of hoping for a better past. It’s complete ownership that either you attracted it in, or your soul wanted a particular experience (or both!).
Everything you’ve been through had to happen to wake you up to take responsibility for what currently is. Only by accepting the current reality can room be made for a shift. Only by owning your past can you construct a better today and a better future.
Integrate. Accept. Acknowledge.
Own all aspects of self—the so-called good and the so-called bad. Only by doing this can you have power over what ails you, rather than it having power over you.
Read more: Perfectionism stuck acceptance